3 Reasons You’re Not Getting Referred (Even If You’re Qualified)
Job hunting isn’t always an easy process. Looking for a job online, sending in an application, and then hearing nothing back can leave you disappointed. Changing up your job search strategy, like reaching out for a referral, can help you break the cycle. In fact, a study by Zippia revealed that referred candidates are four times more likely to get hired than those who apply through traditional channels.
But as a career coach, I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times: people who are incredibly qualified but still have trouble getting referrals. Not because they aren’t talented, either. More often, it comes down to the way they’re asking. If you’ve been sending out requests and not getting any responses, here are four reasons why you might not be getting referred.
You Haven’t Built Any Real Connection
Imagine being at a networking event when a complete stranger tried to force a business card onto you. Every time they speak, it’s all about themselves and what they want from you. That’s the impression you give when you request a referral too soon.
People who give you a referral are risking their own reputation. Make sure you have a solid enough relationship with them to make them feel comfortable enough to refer you without taking unnecessary risks. Just having a connection does not cut it; the other person has to know, like, and believe in your abilities, too.
Many people make the mistake of assuming that a large network automatically translates to positive relationships. It’s not enough to attend a lot of networking events, collect business cards, or make a lot of connections on LinkedIn. If you try to meet everyone, you end up with superficial relationships that don’t lead to anything meaningful. The best referrals come from people who’ve seen what you bring to the table. And that takes time to build.
Your Request Feels Like Work
Many people mess up by throwing out a vague, demanding request like “Do you know anyone who’s hiring?” or “Can you think of a company that needs someone with my background?”
These don’t sound bad at first. Unfortunately, this approach has a major flaw: it essentially asks the other person to put their life on hold, think of everyone they know, and then play matchmaker for you. That just feels like a lot of work. And even though they want to help, people would prefer to stay away from work as much as possible.
Because of this, most people will say something like, “Hmm, I can’t think of anyone right now.” It’s not because they don’t like you or think you’re not qualified, but because you asked for too much.
Make things simple for them instead. If you already know this person well, you can draw on that knowledge. For example:
- “You mentioned your company was expanding. Do you know if the [team/department] is looking for more people?”
- “Didn’t your old manager move to [Company X]? I’d love to connect with them if you think it makes sense.”
- “Since you’re active in [industry group/professional association], is there anyone there you think I should talk to?”
See the difference? You’re not expecting them to go through everyone they know. You’re jogging their memory in a way that you both already understand. That’s what turns a vague “I can’t think of anyone” into an actual name and a friendly intro.
You Didn’t Follow Up (And They Forgot)
People are busy. Maybe your message got lost in their inbox, or they were going to respond but forgot. If you let it drop, you miss out, not because you aren’t qualified, but because you didn’t stay on their radar.
So, if you don’t hear back from someone after a fair amount of time, it’s wise to check in again. You can show that you’re still interested in the role and ready to move forward in the process by sending a gentle reminder. When you follow up, thank them for their time and let them know you still want the referral. Give any updates on your job search or interview availability, if any.
The receiver may have other obligations that are right now taking priority, so it’s important to be considerate and patient. Be assertive, not aggressive. Too many reminders can come across as pushy and hurt your chances.
If you’re not sure what to say, here’s a quick message you could send:
Hi [Name],
Hope you’re doing well! I just wanted to check in on my earlier note about the [position/role] at [Company]. I know things can get really busy, but if you’re able to let me know whether a referral might be possible, I’d really appreciate it. I’m still very excited about this opportunity and would love the chance to bring my [specific skill/experience] to the team. Thanks so much again for your time and support!
Best,
[Your Name]
Respect the person’s choice and keep your cool if they say no to your referral request. Keep things positive in the relationship. Even if they can’t recommend you right now, things might change down the road. Make sure to send a heartfelt thank-you message, regardless of whether they offer a referral or not. After all, they spared some time and energy to think about your request.
I’ve seen firsthand how making little adjustments to your referral strategy can open doors to huge opportunities. People are more inclined to put their support behind you when you establish real connections, ask for specific things, and follow up with care. Do this consistently, and referrals stop feeling out of reach. They become a natural part of your career growth. Rooting for you!
